Abraxas, Guardian of the Universe

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Father: So what makes you think you can locate my 4-by-4?
Abraxas: My box has VD, trust me.
Mother: Your what?
Abraxas: VD. Vibrational Detection.

[to Sheriff Sharp]
Secundus: Put your gun in my pocket!
[the Sheriff puts his gun in Secundus' pocket]
Secundus: Follow me, and she dies! Have a nice day!

Abraxas: Hello. I suppose you're not tired. Do you want to sit up here with me? I'll tell you a story. It's about two men who were partners.

Sheriff Sharp: So what are you doing for Christmas?
Deputy White: Well, I was going to go home to see my parents but they don't like me very much.
Sheriff Sharp: Sure they do.
Deputy White: Anyways I got a lot of work to catch up on. I'm going to stay in town. I'll clean my guns or something.

Hite: You've endangered the lives of millions of people for the sake of one woman and one child.
Abraxas: I think you're over-dramatizing the situation, Hite.

Principal Latimer: He's getting special attention all right Mrs. Murray. His presence is causing a problem with the students. Frankly, Tommy scares the piss out of them. And they act out. They push him. They call him names. They tease him. Constantly.
Sonia: Why don't you just tell them to stop teasing him, to stop pushing him, to stop calling him all kinds of names. Have you ever thought of just telling them to stop it?
Principal Latimer: [long pause] No. No I haven't. Um, I'm - I'll try that. I'll just speak to the kids. I'll just - I'll just tell them directly. That's a good suggestion. I'm going to try that.

Secundus: [Upon seeing Abraxas] What happened to your face?
Abraxas: I was volted, T-squared!
Secundus: Looks like they lined your skull with pla-steel.
Abraxas: It's over.
Secundus: Right. I win. The girl will bear my child, and he will be the answer.
Abraxas: Why? You had it all. An almost immortal lifespan. Virtually unlimited power!
Secundus: Almost? Virtually? It's not enough, when I can have it all! The key is the birth of a comater. The comater will be able to compute the anti-life equation. That child will be a comater. Join me. To stop me now, you have to kill the girl. I know you, you can't do that.
Abraxas' Answer Box: Communication from command: Secundus will be transported to penal planet Tyrannus 7, a travel warp is operative.
Secundus: HAHAHA! It doesn't matter! I win... see you soon Abraxas.

Garage Owner: Hey, what are you doin' in my shop?
Secundus: I am recharging my answerbox.
Garage Owner: Whatever the hell that is, you sure picked the wrong place to do it.
Secundus: You're quite a big man.
Garage Owner: Big enough to take you, pal!
Secundus: Yes?
[grabs the Garage Owner by the throat]
Secundus: Test for the anti-life equation!
Secundas' Answer Box: Subject does not posses the anti-life equation, testing will result in discorporation.
Secundus: RUN THE TEST!
[the Garage Owner evaporates]
Secundus: You failed.

Teacher: Can I help you?
Secundus: Bring me the comater.
Teacher: What?
Secundus: I said: Bring me the comater, or I will kill all these children... one at the time!
[pats a boy on the head]
Secundus: I looooove children.

Secundus: Are you a birthing member of the human race?
Sonia: Huh?
Secundus: I need your body!

Secundus: I'm looking for a man. A wo-man.
Cocky Youth: Women. Ah, you're looking for women. Like exotic dancers.
Secundus: I'm not familiar with the term ?exotic dancer?.
Secundas' Answer Box: Exotic dancers are birthing members of this species performing contemporary fertility rites.