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About a Boy

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• Marcus: Oh, don't worry, I think your mum is keen on him.
  Ali: [shouting] She's not keen on him! She's only keen on me!
  


• Will: The thing is, a person's life is like a TV show. I was the star of The Will Show. And The Will Show wasn't an ensemble drama. Guests came and went, but I was the regular. It came down to me and me alone. If Marcus' mum couldn't manage her own show, if her ratings were falling, it was sad, but that was her problem. Ultimately, the whole single mum plotline was a bit complicated for me.
  


• Marcus: He fancies you. he told me.
  


• Christine: You will end up childless and alone.
  Will: Well, fingers crossed, yeah.
  


• Will: This crying in the morning thing, this depression, let's get that fixed.
  


• Will: I want to go out with her, OK. I'd like her to be my girlfriend, here I said it.
  Marcus: How brilliant!
  


• Will: I was in some strange territory. Was I frightened? I was petrified.
  


• Marcus: You don't give a shit about anyone and no one gives a shit about you!
  


• Will: I am an island. I am bloody Ibiza!
  


• Lindsey's Mum: 'Shake your Ass'... is he Moroccan?
  


• Will: I'd be the worst possible Godfather. I'd probably drop her on her head at her christening. I'd forget all her birthdays until she was 18. Then I'd take her out and get her drunk. And, let's face it, quite possibly try and shag her.
  


• Will: Once you open your door to one person anyone can come in.
  


• Marcus: I think I killed a duck!
  


• Fiona: You selfish bastard!
  


• [Regarding the first SPAT meeting]
  Will: I'll tell you one thing. Men are bastards. After about ten minutes I wanted to cut my *own* penis off with a kitchen knife.
  


• [Fiona is crying]
  Fiona: Will, am I a bad mother?
  Will: No. No, you're not a bad mother. You're just a barking lunatic.
  


• [Fiona is crying]
  Fiona: I mean, he's a special - very, very special boy and he's got a special soul, and I've wounded it.
  Will: Oh, please, just shut up. You're wounding my soul.
  


• Christine: Oh, no... it's just I thought you had hidden depths.
  Will: No, no, you've always had that wrong about me. I really am this shallow.
  


• Will: In my opinion, all men are islands. And what's more, now's the time to be one. This is an island age.
  


• Fiona: He's expressing himself!
  Will: No, he's not! He's expressing YOU!
  


• Marcus: Suddenly I realized - two people isn't enough. You need backup. If you're only two people, and someone drops off the edge, then you're on your own. Two isn't a large enough number. You need three at least.
  


• Will: I find the key is to think of a day as units of time, each unit consisting of no more than thirty minutes. Full hours can be a little bit intimidating and most activities take about half an hour. Taking a bath: one unit, watching countdown: one unit, web-based research: two units, exercising: three units, having my hair carefully disheveled: four units. It's amazing how the day fills up, and I often wonder, to be absolutely honest, if I'd ever have time for a job; how do people cram them in?
  


• Will: It was terrible! Terrible! But driving really fast behind the ambulance was fantastic!
  


• Will: Me, I didn't mean anything. About anything, to anyone. And I knew that guaranteed me a long, depression-free life.
  


• Will: [Will is in the supermarket. His father's song "Santa's Super Sleigh" begins to play over the speakers]
  Will: Ah, shit! It can't be. November the sodding 19th... Six weeks before Christmas and already they were playing the bloody thing.
  


• [singing "Killing me Softly"]
  Will: And there I was killing them softly with my song. Or rather being killed. And not so softly either.
  


• Will: My life is made up of units of time. Buying CDs - two units. Eating lunch - three units. Exercising - two units. All in all, I had a very full life. It's just that it didn't mean anything.
  


• Ellie: You like rap?
  Marcus: A little. It's by black people mostly. And they're pretty angry most of the time. But sometimes they just want to have sex.
  


• Marcus: I wanna be with her more, I wanna be with her all the time, and I wanna tell her things I don't even tell you or mum. And I don't want her to have another boyfriend. I suppose if I could have all those things, I wouldn't really mind if I touched her or not.
  


• Will: [voiceover] She couldn't stay at my place, and she didn't have a DVD, or satellite, or cable, so we were always stuck watching some crap made for t.v. movie about a kid with leukemia. I had to end it.
  


• Will: [voiceover] Having been Will the Good Guy, I didn't relish going back to my usual role of Will the Unreliable, Emotionally Stunted Asshole.
  


• Marcus: I got the letter. Thanks.
  Fiona: Oh my God. I'd forgotten.
  Marcus: You forgot? You forgot a suicide letter?
  Fiona: Well I didn't think I'd have to remember it, did I? Did you read the part where I said I'd always love you?
  Marcus: It's a bit hard for you to love me when you're dead, isn't it?
  


• Fiona: I can understand why you're angry, Marcus. But I don't feel the same as I did yesterday, if it's any help.
  Marcus: What? It's all gone away? All that?
  Fiona: No, but, for the moment, I feel better.
  Marcus: The moment's no good for me. I can see you feel better at the moment. You just put the kettle on. What happens when you finish your tea? What happens when I go back to school? I can't be here to watch you all the time!
  


• Marcus: I'll come if you take my mom, too. She hasn't got any money, so either we'll have to go somewhere cheap, or you'll have to treat us.
  Will: Well, listen, don't beat about the bush, Marcus.
  Marcus: Why should I? We're poor, you're rich, you pay. You can bring your little boy if you like. I don't mind.
  Will: That's really big of you.
  


• Will: It's a CD, Marcus, by Mystikal. They're cool. You'll like them
  Fiona: What kind of music is Mystikal?
  Will: It's sort of, um, world music...
  Marcus: [reads a song title] "Shake Ya Ass."
  Will: ...Slash rap-type thing.
  


• Marcus: I used to want Will to marry my mom.
  Ali: You serious?
  Marcus: Yeah, but that was when she was depressed and I was desperate.
  Will: Thanks, mate.
  


• Lindsey's Mum: Are we having duck? Delicious!
  


• Rachel: Ali has trouble meeting new people. You see, the last guy I went out with, well, he wasn't all good news.
  Ali: [loudly] He was a liar!
  Rachel: All right Ali.
  


• Ali: If your dad goes out with my mum, you're gonna be dead, really dead.
  Marcus: I don't think it's really up to me, now is it?
  Ali: Well it better be... or you're gonna die.
  


• Will: [thinking] Every man is an island. I stand by that. But clearly some men are island CHAINS. Underneath, they are connected...
  Marcus: [thinking] I used to think two was not enough. But now things are great; there are loads of people... I don't know what Will was so pissed about. I don't think couples are the future. The way I see it now, we both got back-up now. It's like that thing Jon Bon Jovi said: 'No man is an island.'
  


• Fiona: When you sing it brings sunshine and happiness into my heart
  


• Will: [to himself] No, Marcus, I do not want to come over for Christmas. I do not want to spend Christmas with Ms. Granola Suicide and her spawn.
  


• [singing along to the music that Will gave him]
  Marcus: Watch yourself! Shake your ass and watch yourself!
  


• Will: [voiceover] There. She was gone. There was no more to say.
  


• Rachel: Will, how do you use this blender thing?
  Will: You don't.
  


• Marcus: [Out to lunch with Will & his mum] I made her put on that nice jumper.
  Will: As for his mum, she appeared to be clinically insane, and wearing some kind of yeti costume!
  


• Will: Oh for Christ sake! Because... she's got this rare disease and if she believes something that's not right and you tell her the truth her brain will boil in her head and she'll die! Ok?
  

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