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Abby Singer

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• Maxine: Where do you find your inspiration?
  Jodie Foster: Under my seat occasionally.
  


• Maybeline: [to Migule Arteta about Jake Gyllenhaal] Why don't you direct him to love me.
  


• Jake Gyllenhaal: Have some independent spirit, all right!
  


• Adam Carolla: I wouldn't say this on the radio but I'm gay actually.
  


• Dave Attell: There are no nice women in bars anymore, they're all dirty skanks.
  


• Gundealer: Curtis is looking to make an artistic statement with his suicide.
  


• Gundealer #3: Van Gogh would go with a Glock, ten-millimeter, caseless rounds, titanium action.
  


• Kevin's Father: Marriage is a cooperative... you suffer together: I want you to hurt like I do.
  


• Kevin's Father: We're all in crisis, any one of us could be divorced at any minute, married or not.
  


• Mr. Mooker: Did you get any nookie at lunch? No. I can tell from your attitude.
  


• Maxine Helms: So what's your favorite movie?
  Roger Ebert: Citizen Kane.
  Maxine Helms: That's playing here?
  Roger Ebert: No.
  


• Kevin Prouse: You ready to light the world up?
  


• Kevin's Father: Life is a clambake, and you my friend are allergic to clams.
  

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